Cricket’s Index: January

I advocate making lists as one of the most effective blockbusting techniques in part because lists themselves can be so interesting. The monthly stats in Harper’s, where the juxtaposition and selection of facts often create startling new meanings, have long been a favorite.

• Cricket’s breed, as half poodle, half Schnauzer: “shnoodle”
• Current age, in people months: 10
• Current age, in dog years: 5.83
• Average number of times she wants out, per day, measured in doorside  yips: 42
• Average number of times she wants in, per day, measured in door  scratches: 420
• Percentage of the family’s stuffed animals she thinks are dog  toys: 100
• Number of minutes to completely unstuff a plush toy: >2
• Average area the innards of a plush toy will cover, in square  feet: 144
• Inventory of non-food items eaten this month: plush toys, food  wrappers, rope fetch toys, Qtips, bottle caps, toilet tissue,  a $5 bill, soap, green binding on living room carpet, orthotic  insoles, a wicker basket, Mare’s left shoe
• Number of times she’s vomited, this month: 14
• Number of times she’s vomited after eating a bar of soap: 8
• Number one item we all hope she never eats again: soap

Postscript–Best of the comments–from Robin:

“My cat once threw up in my dress shoes after I’d been out all night with my (now ex) boyfriend.  She was making a statement. Ignoring her for this man was as inappropriate as shoe vomit.  She was right.”